She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
