If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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