2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
