Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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