I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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