I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
