proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
