i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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