FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Two words: blizzard sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
