She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
