I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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