Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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