Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
