Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
