I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
