Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
