Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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