like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
