We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
