we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
