I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
