The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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