Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i out mim tonsoeep
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