he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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