yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
