its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
