I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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