We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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