Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
