Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have aggressive nipples.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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