Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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