problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
