I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
