We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
