Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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