i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Quick, to the slutcave!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
