i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
