The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
