I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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