So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
