i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize