when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
