There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
