i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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