Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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