I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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