You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
