Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
