take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
