if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
