Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
as a side note pls kill me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
