Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize