So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
