we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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