I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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