You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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