then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
