So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
