It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize