Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
