thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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