Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
