farters have to be the big spoon...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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