you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
