My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
