I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
