You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
