you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
