bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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