He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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